A man of means surrounds himself with the best of everything, and that includes his female companion. You deserve to have a truly beautiful woman on your arm at all times, and particularly when you appear in public. Passersby will make flattering assumptions about you once they see the kind of woman you are able to attract. Beauty may be in the eye of the beholder, it’s true, but the poet Felibien has penned a handy and objective definition of what is considered beautiful, so that there may be no doubt in your mind.

“The head should be well rounded and look rather inclining to small than large. The forehead white, smooth, and open (not with the hair growing down too deep upon it), neither flat nor prominent, but, like the head, well rounded, and rather small in proportion than large. The hair either black, bright brown, or auburn, not thin, but full and waving, and if it falls in moderate curls, the better – the black is particularly useful in setting off the whiteness of the neck and skin. The eyes black, chestnut, or blue, clear, bright, and lively, and rather large in proportion than small. The eyebrows well divided, full, semicircular, and broader in the middle than at the ends, of a neat turn, but not formal. The cheeks should not be wide, should have a degree of plumpness, with the red and white finely blended together, and should look firm and soft. The ear should be rather small, well folded, and have an agreeable tinge of red. The nose should be placed so as to divide the face into equal parts; should be of a moderate size, straight, and well squared, though sometimes a little rising in the middle, which is just perceivable, may give a very graceful look to it. The mouth should be small, and the lips not of equal thickness; they should be well turned, small, rather than gross, soft even to the eye, and with a living red in them; a truly pretty mouth is like a rosebud that is beginning to blow. The teeth should be middle-sized, white, well ranged and even. The chin of a moderate size, white, soft, and agreeably rounded.

The neck should be white, straight, and of a soft, easy, flexible make; rather long than short, less above, and increasing gently towards the shoulders; the whiteness and delicacy of its skin should be continued, or rather go on improving to the bosom; the skin in general should be white,properly tinged with red, and a look of thriving health in it.

The shoulders should be white, gently spread, and with a much softer appearance of strength than in those of men. The arm should be white, round, firm and soft, and more particularly so from the elbow to the hands. The hand should unite insensibly with the arm; it should be long and delicate, and even the joints and nervous parts of it should be without either any hardness or dryness. The fingers should be fine, long, round and soft; small and lessening to the tops, and the nails rather long, round at the ends, and pellucid.

The bosom should be white and charming; neither too large nor too small; the breasts equal in roundness and firmness, rising gently, and very distinctly separated. The sides should be rather long and the hips wider than the shoulders, and go down rounding and lessening gradually to the knee.

The knee should be even and well rounded. The legs straight but varied by proper rounding of the more fleshy parts of them, the finely turned, white, and small at the ankle.”

There! Happy to clear that up. Feel free to copy and paste this post into your on line dating profile. The results you get will be staggering.

Men, if you have gotten this far in Lola’s lessons, you now understand that making women fall in love with you is no trifling matter. It is indeed an art, and an accomplishment one can learn over time, but it is also your duty to excel in it as a male member of the species. Otherwise, how could the species endure?

You may recall in a previous lesson that ladies tend to prefer arrogant fools who think highly of their own appearance and charms. This is very important for you to keep in mind. In other words, cultivate frivolous talents and leave the possession of real character and good sense to stodgy old married folk. Several poets, essayist, and scholars agree.

“When we see a fellow loud and talkative, full of insipid life and laughter, we may venture to pronounce him a female favorite.” ~Mackenzie

“The character which generally passes for agreeable with the women is made up of civility and falsehood.” ~Burke

“Our thoughless sex is caught by outward form and empty noise – and loves itself in man.” ~ Dryden

You have probably spent your adult years laboring under the assumption that loud, aggressive girls were the more promiscuous, whereas their timid sisters wanted nothing more than to escape notice. Nothing could be farther from the truth. As Sir Joshua Reynolds said: “Men are like certain animals, who will feed only when there is but little provender, and that got at with difficulty through the bars of a rack; but refuse to touch it when there is an abundance before them.” Girls are taught this from a very young age, and learn to behave accordingly. For instance, see that little wallflower over there in the shadows all alone? Don’t let her shy exterior betray her motives: she is begging for your kisses. Push the gregarious vixen off your lap and go get her! Feed, man!

It’s very important that you do the following steps in order, or this tried-and-true tactic just might backfire on you. Seek out a neighbor or acquaintance who has an attractive wife. Cultivate a solid friendship with him. This will ensure that you have ample opportunities to visit him at home where you will then be able to flirt with his wife. If your friendship has become deep enough, he will merely feel flattered that you are paying her some attention. The wife, on the other hand, will catch on to your scheme immediately. She will find it charming beyond compare that you have gone to such lengths to seduce her right under her husband’s nose. If you are patient, and tread your way carefully along this path, you are certain to be successful. Besides winning the heart (or whatever body part you were after) of the lady, you will be the envy of all the men who have avoided attempting such a ruse themselves.

If you decide to forego the tactic of pretending to be unconcerned with the affections of young ladies, here’s a different plan to consider. Complain bitterly that your female companions are far too numerous, that they take up all your time, and you can’t get a moment’s peace between the phone and the doorbell ringing. This will cause her to deduce that not only are you lying, but that you haven’t got anyone even remotely interested in you except for her, and she has you all to herself – lies and all. How irresistible!